Scent-sational Loos: Turning Toilet Trips into Aromatherapy Adventures

Back in the day, people used sweet-smelling plants and herbs to ward off nasal assaults from the bodily residue of the previous night's pig’s trotter curry that haunted their privies. Now, essential oils offer a more effective solution.

All that's required is to drip five drops of essential oil onto the inside of the cardboard tube around which your toilet tissue is wrapped. Toilet visitors, in unfurling a preferred length of tissues, spin the toilet roll a few times. This spinning motion agitates and frees the aromas within the essential oils that have soaked into the cardboard inner tube, permeating the room with your chosen scent. Your toilet will soon smell like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

The list of essential oils — the same list aromatherapists use — has something to suit every taste. Popular favourites and their emotional associations include:

• Stress-busting Chamomile and Ylang Ylang
• Sinus sluicing Eucalyptus
• Nausea calming Ginger
• Lavender to waft you off peacefully to the Land of Nod
• Happiness boosting Lemon
• Peppermint to keep you as alert as a gazelle at the waterhole
• Rosemary for laser focus

For air-freshening purposes we’re not concerned with the emotional and physical properties of essential oils. That said, there’s little downside to emerging from your loo as stress free as a Zen monk. ‘A visit to the loo can be spiritual too,’ as the ancient Tibetan proverb runs.

Just be careful not to use the last half-dozen sections of toilet paper just in case any essential oils seep through the cardboard innards onto the tissues. There's a lot of sensitive skin south of your waist, and you'll want to avoid irritating it. In fact, before using any air-freshening product, always read the health and safety instructions.

The cheapest air-freshening technique of all is to open a window. Never underestimate the guff-dispelling powers of fresh air. Of course, keep your window firmly shut if you live next door to a fish-head processing factory. And don't install a window if there isn't one already; this would not prove cost-effective.

For another natural solution, delve into Nature's larder by gently simmering up a mess of cinnamon sticks, cloves, vanilla pods and the likes in a saucepan to create a bespoke potpourri. Throw in segments of apples and oranges for added zest. After a while, this concoction will imbue your entire home with natural aromas. Avoid setting your pan to a furious boil — you are not trying to re-create the micro-climate of Borneo.

Gut bacteria have had millions of years to perfect the toe-curling smells they specialise in producing. By contrast, the chemical industry is but a few centuries old. It’s a battle that will doubtless rage for sometime yet. In the meantime, the use of essential oils, fresh air and home-made potpourri might help you avoid getting caught in the crossfire.