Ode to the wet roll

Is there anything sadder than a wet roll of toilet paper? Well, yes, we’re not toilet paper obsessed monsters. But there is something terribly sad about one.

There are a lot of questions that enter your mind when you see one; “how did it get wet?” “why did it get wet?” “Sweet merciful creator, WHAT is it wet with?”

In most cases, the answer is a simple one, someone was restocking the toilet paper when they decided to channel their inner Michael Jordan and sink one into the basket that holds the spares. Instead, they channelled Tyrus Thomas and sunk it into the toilet bowl. How bad was poor Tyrus Thomas at basketball? Well, both he and Jordan played for the Chicago Bulls and even though basketball isn’t the most popular sport here in the UK, you’ve no doubt heard of Jordan.

The worst-case scenario for a wet TP roll is someone was using the toilet and either urgency of use or lack of control sent their targeting systems into chaos and the roll was the unfortunate casualty. 

One of the reasons that a wet TP roll is one of the saddest things is that there is nothing you can do. Sure, you could try to dry it out, but it’s not going to be the same. It’ll crumble, it’ll feel weird. To you, it wouldn’t even be worth of the dirty deed it’s designed to do. What a waste. A waste of resources that went into making the roll and a waste of money because you can’t use the roll.

We’ve all seen one of the unfortunate rolls that has had to miss out on active duty (literally) and prematurely be sent to the bin. So, spare a thought for all the poor wet rolls that never got to reach their own potential but going where the sun don’t shine.

RIP, little buddies.