Quirky bamboo plant facts: includes why snakes don't fancy them

There’s so much to learn about bamboo. Universities should be running degree courses on the subject. Until they do that, Uranus Wiper has some of the juiciest bamboo facts around.

The versatile grass we call bamboo can be eaten. Although, be warned, some taste like the inner soles of your granddad’s slippers. The one’s he’s had since he came back from the war. So careful what you order at your local restaurant. If you don’t speak Mandarin, carry one of your Granddad’s slippers with you in a carrier bag. When ordering bamboo shoots you can show the waitress your granddad’s footwear. As you pull them from the bag, shake your head vigorously in the universal sign language for ‘No way Jose!’ And you should be fine.

Bamboo is a natural air conditioner. It can lower the temperature of the immediate environment by 8 degrees in summer months. But, take note, not many people outside Asia have a bamboo grove growing in their back yard. That leaves most people in the West unable to sleep at night because of the oppressive heat. They could spend £1800 on a 4kW air conditioning package to cover two rooms. But, given the current cost of electricity it might be cheaper to fly your family to a property in Bangkok that is adjacent to a bamboo grove.

Bamboo forests are relatively safe

People living in Asian countries often make a beeline for bamboo forests during earthquakes. The grass has solid root structure which aids stability. Should you find yourself stampeding into a bamboo grove because the earth trembles, do try to stampede quietly — there will be people already in there trying to cool down (see above under ‘It’s cool!’)

There is another reason why some Asians head for the bamboo when tremors kick off — bamboo is a symbol of luck and good fortune. I know it’s not a very scientific way to stay alive but who can afford to be picky when the sky’s falling on your head?

American inventor Thomas Edison used carbonised bamboo as an element in the first successful lightbulb. If I were you, I’d stop short of hero-worship, though. Because Tommy boy tried one thousand different materials before stumbling on carbonised bamboo — including beard hair! And for all we know, spaghetti and shoelaces! On the up side, Edison’s persistence is often hailed as motivation to those striving for a goal, to never give up.

It turns out that you’d be hard pushed to find a snake with a good word to say about bamboo. The mulch on the bamboo forest floor is too noisy for them to slither through and they don’t have hands to hold over their ears. What’s more, it’s too cold for them (See above under ‘It’s cool!’) They’d need to put on mittens and a scarf to venture there. To cap their misery, bamboo stems are too slippery for snakes to climb. So if you suffer from ophidiophobia (a profound fear of snakes,) think about holidaying in a bamboo grove. 

Snakes might give bamboo a wide berth, but at Uranus Wiper, we can’t get enough of it! You see, we’re on a mission to wipe out waste – quite literally. Every year, 27.5 million homes in the UK use toilet rolls wrapped in over 3 billion square metres of single-use plastic. That’s a wrap-around extravaganza equivalent to encircling one million Big Bens! An utterly barmy amount of plastic, if you ask us.

But fear not, eco-warriors! Uranus Wiper is revolutionising the loo experience with our FSC certified toilet rolls made from sustainable bamboo fibres. Why bamboo, you ask? Well, aside from being less appealing to our slithery friends (and way cooler than them), bamboo is a superstar in the sustainability charts. It grows faster than a teenager during a growth spurt, requires no fancy fertilisers, and even has the courtesy to regenerate itself after harvesting. Talk about self-sufficiency!

So, by choosing our bamboo-based toilet rolls, you're not just choosing softness and strength for your behind; you're also giving a thumbs-up to a greener planet. And let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to be part of a loo-llution that feels good, does good, and even has a chuckle along the way? Go on, give your loo a sustainable makeover with Uranus Wiper’s bamboo rolls. It's the best decision your bottom will ever make!